I had one of those existential moments. My daughter just finished her last day of second grade. As I was about to pick her up, I glanced over at the middle school and saw eighth graders celebrating their graduation and their newfound high school status. This is all going by so fast.
I remember the tears that filled my eyes as I dropped her off at kindergarten, which seemed to be only yesterday. My baby, who I could hold and spend every waking moment with, was venturing out into the world to have her own experiences. Experiences she would tell me about, but they were truly just hers-separate from me.
Of course I want her to grow into a happy self-reliant confident young woman, but at the same time when she does that it feels like it diminishes who I am. In reality, it only diminished whom I have identified with. For so long I have wrapped my self worth into the growth of this amazing little spirit.
It is funny though. In the midst of motherhood, it seems as if you will never finish cleaning up someone else’s poop. It seems as if you will never see a movie that is not animated. It seems that you will never be able to eat your own dinner while it is hot. But then you pick up her favorite wobbie toy that she needs so desperately all the time and as you hand it to her to be the hero of the day, she tells you that she doesn’t need it any more because it is for babies.
I always heard that children grow up in a blink of an eye. But I guess what surprised me was how incredibly long some of the days could be and yet the years so short.
The end of a school year really brings that home for me…the bitter sweetness of it. Summer is great, carefree, and awesomely fun. I embrace it but with the knowledge that one more year is tucked away in our memories. That one more grand accomplishment has been made. One more step to independence has been mastered.
Growing up and change can be hard, for the both of us. Remembering that with this change and growth is brought new and wondrous possibilities is my current coping mantra.
The Buddha said,
This
existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds.
To watch the
birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of dance.
A lifetime is
like a flash of lightening in the sky,
Rushing by
like a torrent down a steep mountain.
Indeed, how fast and how ever evolving: A collection of moments that create a lifetime.
Namaste,
Krissy
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